musings of Mother Hood

The Bait and Switch

I know better than to go to Walmart on Saturday afternoons. Really I do. But darn if it isn't the most convenient time of the week to go grocery shopping. And when I go, and circle the lot 27 times just for a chance at a parking spot a quarter mile away from the door, and dodge traffic on my way into the store, I sometimes fantasize about my grocery shopping routine of years past.

In college, I would go to Walmart after work, which sometimes meant after midnight. And hoo boy, I'm here to tell you - THAT'S a convenient time to go to Walmart. I had my pick of front row parking spaces, never had to play chicken with other shopping carts in the cereal aisle, and rarely had to stand in line to check out. No "patiently" waiting while the lady down the aisle from me (whose cart is casually positioned diagonally, carelessly blocking BOTH lanes of shoppers) meticulously decides between brands of chicken broth. No carefully stepping around a Mom having one of "those" days wrangling a cart full of toddlers pulling sugary cereals off the shelves whilst shrieking to the heavens a barely distinguishable jumble of "not fair!" and "puleeeeeeeze".   

That was the life.

Nonetheless, I brave the store almost every Saturday afternoon while The Boy takes his nap. I take my list. (And I still forget things.) And I follow my usual route through the store - toiletries first, then back across to the grocery side, shoot up the side through the meat then back to the front going down each aisle, back and forth - small detour over to the Baby Department for diapers and butt paste - then back to the front to check out this week's People Magazine. Riveting, I know.

Every week is more or less the same. Sometimes I bump into someone I know and chat for a minute. Sometimes it's a holiday weekend and the aisles are double crowded. But nothing really bothers me about this process - grocery shopping. I have my routine down to a science and I stick to my list and my route.

I have carefully considered every last detail, including the checkout. Especially the checkout. You see, the checkout at Walmart is a sociological experiment, of sorts. The checker I choose is far more important to me than the length of the line at each register. Meaning, I will NOT get into the shortest line if it means I will have to deal with the wrong checker. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

I'll admit, it took me a while to learn this lesson. I used to scan the front of the store for the winning combination of shortest line and emptiest carts and make a bee line for the prize. But no more. I've been burned too many times by the mirage - the shortest line. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

And I've learned to make The Checker Decision very carefully. I've learned to respect the fine line that exists between being old knowledgeable enough to understand that I don't want my hamburger meat to share a bag with my milk or dish soap yet not so old as to think my reusable shopping bags are newfangled nonsense. I've learned that teenage-ish boys do not appreciate the deliberate order in which I place my items on the belt - cold stuff together, baby stuff together, bathroom stuff together, etc. It's almost entirely subjective, and I cannot describe the perfect checker - but I know it when I see it.

This weekend I was had. I scanned the checker selection and made my choice. It was a fairly short line - bonus! I emptied my cart onto the belt - cold stuff first, blah blah. I waited patiently while both shoppers in front of me zipped right through the line. I grinned, satisfied that I had made a wise decision, almost irritated that I didn't have to wait in line long enough to catch up on my Words with Friends.

Then. It happened. As I leaned over to hand my shopping bags to the nice, capable, efficient checker, another checker appeared behind her, smacking her gum to punctuate her arrival. It was shift change. The Josie and the Pussycats stunt double was there to relieve MY checker. And my heart sank. Nooooo. My mind was racing. Can't you wait just five more little minutes? Just one more customer? Look - my stuff is already on the belt! I'll be quick! I promise! Please don't leave me with the girl with blue hair and black nails! I don't deserve this!  

And as it turned out, my discriminatory, preconceived prejudices were 100% deserved. (This time.) Before I was granted my receipt, I had the opportunity to explain to this girl that eggs really do need to be bagged horizontally, and that bread doesn't go in the bag before, well, anything -- and a manager visited our register TWICE to override some fool thing she'd entered into the machine. I could feel the eyes of the shoppers in line behind me boring into the side of my head, but I refused to look up and respond with a sheepishly apologetic shoulder shrug. No! I was tricked!

Maybe if I were to call Mr. Walmart and explain to him my theory on the checkout. Maybe if I proposed some sort of policy that would require a suitably comparable substitution for checkers - little old lady for little old lady, teeny-bopper for teeny-bopper. Maybe. Or maybe I persevere, and practice a little patience. Maybe. 

Ketchup

The Hogs played in Little Rock over Labor Day weekend, so we didn't make it to the game. But Colt was pretty pumped about the first Game Day of the season. As you can see, he has remote-in-hand. He's ready!

The couch is a new favorite destination. He can climb up there by himself, if he is appropriately motivated, and can get down without face-planting, which is always a plus. He doesn't really care for the No-Standing-On-The-Couch Rule, but we're making progress.

No tickets to the game.  No babysitter, so no going to the nearest sports bar to watch the game -- so we decided to do the next logical thing. Branson.

We loaded up and joined 17 bajillion other people at the Outlets in Branson. And it was great. We left at naptime so Colt slept all the way there. 

He didn't get a fabulous nap because of the impossibly windy road between here and Branson - and also because of the TWO suicidal squirrels we met on our way there. (It was horrible. But it was us or the squirrels...) And he woke up to a camera-happy Mama in the backseat.

 

 

We got to Branson and discovered it was a wee bit crowded, so Jeff had to park the car next to a sign that read "DANGER FALLING ROCKS". Seriously. We were desperate.

The car was still there when we came back. No rocks to speak of. And we found some great deals on clothes and such -- even found a Halloween costume for the little guy. By the time we left for home, it was almost bedtime for Colt, so he slept the whole way home, had a pit stop when we got home to pull off his shoes and shorts, and into bed he went. He didn't miss a beat. Colt spent the whole trip strapped in to either a car seat or a stroller and he was in the best mood! We really couldn't believe how good he was. I guess he appreciates good people-watching as much as the next guy.

We watched an unhealthy amount of football the rest of the weekend, hung out with the crowd at Keith and Don's for a barbecue, and thoroughly enjoyed our bonus 24 hours of weekend. Ahhh. 

And then. The Funk.

Yes, funk. I got it first. (Well, kinda. Colt's had a runny nose since he started the new daycare, but we assumed it was kinda par for the course.) I had to do a lot of running around for work last week and I was in 4 different Walmarts a total of 6 times in 24 hours. And I woke up the next day feeling seriously crappy. Coincidence? So I spared my team and kept my crud at home. I went to the doctor and spent most of the day and night asleep. Bad, restless sleep. I have had a headache ever since. I just can't seem to shake it. Bleh. 

So Friday, Colt was sent home from daycare with a fever. So off we went to the doctor. Turns out, this kid had a double ear infection, fever, sore throat, and wheezing in his chest -- and I WISH I felt as good as he does. Once his fever came down (which took about 30 minutes - tops), he was back to whirlwinding around the house. You would never know he was sick. Back to school he goes.

Jeff even went to the doctor which, as some of you may know, NEVER happens. He finally admitted that he's had a sore throat for TWO WEEKS. 

So yeah. Serious funk in the Hood household this week. Everyone is much better after the weekend - looking forward to a better week. I will not miss spending over three hours of my life in various lines for doctors and pharmacists last week. Gah.

____________________ 

Our friends Angela and Nicholas are getting married in October and were in town for a couple's shower this weekend. Aunt Becky came and stayed at the house with Colt while we went to Emelia's on Dickson Street and toasted the happy couple. 

We thought this pose of the four of us was very "Junior Prom". Aren't we cheesy?

And I'm not sure what happened to the lighting in that last one, but it's a pic of all the girls that were still at the shower by the time we started taking group pictures. I think a few may have left before we got our act together, but this is almost everyone. Natalie, Ashley, Katie, Sarah, Erin, Maureen, Clare, Brianne, Jessica, and Angela. Congratulations Angela and Nicholas!

The Walmart Experience

That's right folks. It's Shareholder's Week here in NWA. And for the first 8 summers I lived in Fayetteville that meant staying as far away from campus as I could manage during the first week of June. But this year I decided to brave the craziness. My team at work created two different booths - one for Iams and one for Pringles - so I went today to check in on them. I have been TOTALLY missing out all these years! 

The Iams booth was a game show -- that's me in the middle, and my Creative Director as the host (in shorts - go Andy!) -- and it was fabulous. 

All of the pet booths were together inside the Tennis Facility on campus, and this one was by far my favorite. These pictures do not do it justice - it was the cutest thing EVER.

Yes, that's what you think it is. Dog poo. The idea of this game was to use the pooper scooper to fling the brown bean bags into various buckets for various points. Kinda like dog poo skee ball.

Tuesday night - before the vendor fair - I met up with my friends Mary and Autumn for some free Brad Paisley and Sugarland action in Bud Walton Arena. SO fun. Sugarland opened and was amazing. They were truly studio-quality -- which is hard to come by with live music. That girl can SANG. The only weird part of the concert was when she had an abrupt and confusing costume change with the addition of a red sequin stocking cap thing. She was dressed all hippie chickie cute with her long tunic and slept-in hair -- then all the sudden BAM. Red sequins. It was so distracting. And I wish I had a picture of it. But they were wonderful. And Brad Paisley is just adorable. And the man can play. The. Guitar. Wow. Gotta love a free concert! 

It worked out well that there were two nights of concerts -- one I wanted to attend, and one that Jeff wanted to attend -- because this year, with Colt, we had to switch-off. So Wednesday night Jeff went with some friends to see Foreigner. I honestly don't think I could name a Foreigner song if my life depended on it. But Jeff said they were awesome. Good choice, Walmart.

Also of note, there were several non-singing celebrities in town for the event. AT&T brought in Darren McFadden and Nastia Liukin, and though I didn't see him, I heard tell that Chad from the Alltel commercials was lurking around. Is he a celebrity?

Here I am with Nastia - who has the special honor of being the first celebrity I am following on Twitter. Slippery slope, my friends.

Paper and Plastic are SO 10 Years Ago.

• 100% recyclable
• Made from 85% recycled materials
• Made from approximately 4 plastic soda bottles
• Can replace 50 plastic shopping bags
• Can carry the same weight as 2-3 plastic shopping bags

Where have you been all my life?!

As you know, I vowed to adopt a PSP and settled on reusable shopping bags. And I couldn't be happier. I've waited a few weeks to blog about them because I not only wanted to be sure I'd stick with them, but wanted to be able to appropriately report back to you about all aspects, i.e. remembering to take the bags back to the store every time.

I don't know where to start. They've changed my life. Well, my grocery shopping life, anyway. I used to come home with between 20 and 30 bags of groceries every week. Now I have 3. Maybe 4. And unless you get Joe Teenager Checkout Boy, the cashiers are fairly good at bagging everything - cold stuff together, bread on top, etc. The reusable bags are wide and flat on the bottom so they stand up in the car -- no more hunting for stray jars of baby food in the depths of the trunk. And an unexpected perk -- shoulder straps! I can put the bag(s) on my shoulder and have my hands free, which is especially important now that I am perpetually wrestling a munchkin.

They fold flat, can be completely smashed and crushed into a ball, and double as a light-weight and convenient way to schlep clothes to the dry cleaner. What's not to love? One day last week, I had to buy a new one at the store because I ran to Walmart at lunch and didn't bring my gear. But I now keep a few in the trunk of the car for just such a shopping emergency.

I will even go so far as to say I think the government should mandate the use of reusable shopping bags. Yes, that's right. Why not? It's a SUPER easy way to be more sustainable and doesn't cost any extra time or energy. Maybe I should write my Congressman. (And as far as laws go, my Reusable Shopping Bag Law should definitely be in line ahead of the crazy Digital TV Transition Law. What. Ever. It's really a separate rant, but do we really need 18 months of public service announcements to help us "prepare" for the switch to digital television? Did the government subsidize CD players for the American people when the compact disc was invented and we all made the "transition" from cassette tapes? *aggravated sigh*)

So there ya go. They're more than Reusable Shopping Bags. They're a way of life.

The Baby Diaries: Week 2

Tomorrow Colt will be 2 whole weeks old - which is truly hard to believe. We waited for him for so long and we are enjoying every minute of him being here. I am almost ready to say that I can't remember what we did without him.

He's such a sweet little guy, and - understandably - I've been unable to fight off the visitors since he arrived. We have been so lucky to be surrounded by family and friends the last few weeks-- coming to visit, bringing supper, and helping us keep some sanity by helping out around the house. (Not to mention how polite everyone has been in not commenting on our overrun-by-baby-ness little house!)

Being the Northwest Arkansas native that he is, it is only fitting that Colt make a pilgrimage second only to a Razorback sporting event -- Wal-Mart! He escorted me on a short trip late last week, and - though he slept the whole time - seemed to enjoy himself.

And Grandmother and Pop came to visit this weekend! Grandmother tried unsuccessfully to convince Pop that they had come to take Colt home with them - but they enjoyed meeting him and we had a nice weekend.

Nearly as important as attending a game and calling the Hogs - we took Colt on a walk around campus on Sunday. Among his cool new toys (most of which he is not quite big enough to enjoy yet) is a jogging stroller - courtesy of Ross. It completely dwarfs him and I'm fairly certain the harness system in the seat would protect him should we want to stroll to the Moon and back -- but he loved it. We walked around campus and got some much needed fresh air.

Looking forward to a thrilling and fun-filled Week 3 -- we'll keep you updated!

For the love of...

So my friend Ross was in town this week, and she and I went to dinner last night. After dinner we both ran by Wal-Mart on the way home only to discover that Wal-Mart has (once again) been taken over by ugly and useless Valentine's Day paraphernalia. On our way to the shampoo/hairspray aisle we were distracted by a (HUGE) bin of stuffed animals in various shades of red/pink/etc -- gems like a tiny gorilla with "Don't Monkey with my Heart" stitched across his chest and floppy-eared dogs reading "Puppy Love". Clever.

One particular piece that caught my eye is below:

We stood for several minutes debating whether or not this should probably read "I love you this much!" We had a good laugh and decided that the people in China that make such ridiculous knick-knacks are obviously not big on grammar and "it's the thought that counts" anyway, right?

So we keep shopping - looking for the office supply department (which is now in the back corner of the store, since the redesign) - and we pass yet another shelf of Vday crap. This time, however, we are greeted by this:

Same dog, but bigger (longer?).

Ok. A couple things. Clearly the same company produced these two dogs. Did they really create two different templates for embroidering these stupid things? Was it a space issue? The longer dog has enough space for a complete sentence? Sigh.

I know... I know...

I have been on an unacceptably long xanga-hiatus. And I am sorry. I have several updates for you and will try to make this entry entertaining and informative enough to keep your attention yet concise enough not to lose it. We'll see.

The week before Christmas I made my first of what would be THREE trips to Texas in eight days. I went to Dallas with my team from work -- and entered more individual Wal-Marts in 2 days than most people enter in a lifetime. Did store-checks all the way to Dallas (approx 8 hours) and back (approx 9 hours). Long few days, but I learned a lot about my new business (Iams) and got to stay at a Gaylord Hotel where I watched Monday Night Football on a TV measuring 57 by 15 feet. Seriously.

The weekend before Christmas Becky and I traveled to San Antonio to see #3 graduate from college.

It was such a fun day -- and Laura was honored by her class and the faculty with an award for her service and leadership outside of her studies over the past few years. Congratulations! She was playing the ever-popular role of an unemployed college graduate for a few days, but now has a job at a SA hospital for the next few months before she leaves for the Peace Corps in April. Keep up with her HERE. (Mom - I purposely excluded my account of the Alamo Blue Star vigil. Maybe next year I'll have something better to report.)

The next day I flew back to Arkansas to spend a few days with the Hoods for Christmas. No one let me break out Scene It? this year (they learn quickly!), but we did play plenty of Taboo, Catchphrase, and other such fun. This was also the beginning of the week of food... Sadly, no pictures. I need to work on that.

Christmas day Jeff and I drove BACK to San Antonio for Martin family Christmas.  It was a hard day without everyone that should have been there, but we had a nice day.

I wish I could say I had a picture of everyone in a funny hat... Becky and Laura are the lucky ones.

Wednesday morning Laura insisted that we go "hiking" to "test out" her new boots -- reference above photo. I agreed to go "hiking" with the guarantee that I wouldn't so much be "hiking" rather more like "walking".  

It was a little windy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that night we went to a Spurs game courtesy of Tom and Erika -- and had a good time watching "the boys" win. 

 

Afterwards we got to hang out with some real live locals - a.k.a. friends of Becky and Laura.

 

 

 

And Thursday night Mom and Dad took everyone to Fiesta Texas where Laura made her musical debut as "the bell" in Silver Bells.

 

 

 

A few more pics from the day at Six Flags...

Those last few are of an arcade that distracted us on our way from one Christmas music show to the next at Fiesta Texas. Becky and Jeff were cheating playing a basketball game, then Jeff challenged (and beat) me in Skeeball.

 

All so that we could accumulate enough tickets to win this for Laura. Rafiki became part of our entourage for the remainder of the evening. He thoroughly enjoyed the mariachis.

 

 

A good few days were had by all. Santa Claus was good to us. And we got home in time to see the basketball Hogs play ULM and the football Hogs play in the Cotton Bowl.  

I realize this has been nothing but a play-by-play of my last few weeks-- but I know all you really want is photos anyway... I'll see what I can do to conjure up a riveting post by the end of the week. No promises.