You guys, I JUST wrote this.
And I totally meant it.
Technology isn't everything. Yada yada. Living life unplugged. Yada yada.
Let's just say you should be careful what you put out into the universe. It WILL bite you. That was Friday. And by Sunday afternoon, I was eating each of those words, one by one.
Because it's true. It's all true. I'm of the generation that lives and dies by a cell phone, buys shoes online, and plans its high school reunion via Facebook. I bank online. I blog. I include my URL on our Christmas cards.
But it all came to a terrifying, screeching halt Sunday afternoon as I was brushing my teeth at the sink, and Colt – clearly confused by all the unusual space between me and the nearest cell phone - decided to make himself useful. He unplugged my iPhone where it had been charging beside my bed and brought it to me in the bathroom, fumbling a bit along the way, and as he reached up to set the phone on the counter — it fell. The distance from the bathroom counter to the floor.
And that was enough to throw my entire technologically-obsessed world into a tailspin. When I picked up the phone, the home button wasn't working and after a few minutes of frantically pressing it – in denial – I gave up and put it on the charger, I don't know, hoping it would take a little nap and be back in the action after a good charge.
No luck. In fact, I later noticed that in addition to the home button not working – it also wasn't charging. So now my phone was taunting me by slowly dying and the whole thing was rendered virtually useless without a home button.
So I did what any good Millennial would do when faced with such a dilemma.
I was desperate. And I still cannot believe I'm admitting this, but I sat down and Googled "my iPhone home button doesn't work". And wouldn't you know it there are THOUSANDS of results for such a thing. Over a million, actually. So I started reading through some of the "advice". And I swear I'm not making this up — the most popular advice was this: Drop it again.
Drop it. Again. Most message board yo-yos seemed to agree that it might take more than one "controlled drop", but a few good jolts and it should be good as new.
I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I FOLLOWED THIS ADVICE.
YES! With everything I know about technology and gadgets and how stupid it is to follow the advice of people who post on internet message boards about dropping their iPhones ON PURPOSE, I found myself standing in my living room with my phone at arm's length and holding my breath thinking, "what the hell? What's the worst that could happen?"
After a few tumbles, I snapped out of it – realizing that it really was as stupid as it sounded. The phone still wasn't working. Obviously. And I had officially sunk to a new low. I remember thinking this must be what it feels like to be a drug addict. Willing to throw reason and logic and all common sense out the window for the chance at a fix. It had only been a few hours and I was already resorting to complete foolishness.
That was Sunday. It is now Wednesday night and I have only been reunited with a fully functioning phone since about 5:00 today. I won't lie to you — the last few days have not been pretty. I've had to check my calendar for meetings before I leave my desk since I've been without a pocket-sized reminder of where I'm supposed to be next, I've worn my watch and actually LOOKED AT IT, and if I received an email during the ten minute car ride from my office to my house I DIDN'T KNOW IT.
Torture, I tell you. 21st century torture.