musings of Mother Hood

Efficiency FAIL

This came in the mail for me today.

Let me back up. Way up. Santa brought me a new camera last Christmas. But the elves forgot to include one minor accessory - the lens cap strap. Not a huge deal and I could very well have lived the rest of my life without one - especially considering I've survived THIS long - but it would be nice to have, right? I've scoured every website and camera shop I can think of. No one sells lens cap straps. 

I've been shocked at how difficult this has been. I don't want a whole new lens cap - which I'm sure differs from camera to camera. I just want the little strap that prevents me from losing said lens cap. How hard is that? I considered putting my dear old Dad on the case and letting him fashion one for me out of braided duct tape or something -- but I held out. FINALLY, I found the top secret link on the Kodak website that lets you put in your 17 syllable secret password and it spits out a list of "replacement parts" for various camera models. Hoorah! 

Last week, I called them. I've become fairly impatient with automated customer service in my old age so I resorted to my old stand-by. Press 0 enough times - they'll transfer you to a real person. So I got to talk to Mr. Kodak. Mr. Kodak had me give him the camera model, etc. (how much customization really goes into lens cap straps...) and told me that Kodak would be more than happy to send me a lens cap strap at no cost. Excuse me? All this time and all I had to do was ask nicely and I get one for free?? Woohoo! So he takes all of my information, mailing address, blah blah, then he casually mentions that there will be a fifteen dollar charge for shipping and handling. 

Shut up. Did you say fifteen dollars?

Fifteen. 1.5. Dollars. For shipping and handling. What happened to "Kodak would be more than happy to send you a new lens cap strap at no cost"??? Well I don't have to tell you that I told Mr. Kodak exactly what I thought of his "shipping and handling" garbage. $15? For what? It doesn't weigh anything - stick it in an envelope already! I'll gladly pay the 40 some-odd cents that would take! Mr. Kodak talked me down from the ledge and explained that $15 is actually the least expensive shipping charge available blah blah UPS blah blah. 

And since I had finally found this thing I had searched for high and low for more than six months... I caved. I begrudgingly forked over my credit card number and confirmed my mailing address. I hung up the phone half expecting my $15 free lens cap strap to mysteriously get lost in the mail.

Until today.

This came in the mail for me today.

I couldn't believe it. Kodak should win some sort of overkill award. The box is clearly labeled - "Weight - 1lb". Ha! I hurried to open it, certain that they must have sent me an entire new camera - what with all the fanfare. 

Oh look! They sent me a huge ball of bubble wrap! There must be something super duper special and delicate in here!

Ooooo! A plastic ziploc big enough for Colt to crawl around in! And it looks like there's another, smaller ziploc bag inside!

And there he is. The sweet little lens cap strap I've longed for all this time. All 0.001 ounces of him.

Let's recap.

$15 and all of this:

For this:

I don't even know where to start. Do I start with the fact that if Kodak had just included the damn lens cap strap with the camera in the first place, none of this would have been necessary? Nah. How about the undertones of extortion? $15 shipping and handling for a weightless piece of nylon cord. Nevermind the blatant disregard for every industry out there spending millions to reduce their carbon footprint and improve their sustainability. Nope. Overkill. This is what it looks like.

But it's not a total loss. I do have a shiny new lens cap strap.

 

And at least I know my $15 went to good use as part of Kodak's jackass plan to stimulate the Packing Material Industry.

  

My Favorite Boy

Man, do I have a boy. We've been taking advantage of the unseasonably pleasant weather by playing outside a lot in the evenings. Jeff usually takes Colt out after he has his dinner. They run laps outside. Well, Colt runs around, mostly in the culdesac and other people's yards, and Jeff corrals him. After a while Colt wears himself out and comes scurrying back to the house - sweaty, dirty, with as many sticks as he can hold in his two little hands, big grin on his face. 

He's a live one - that kid. We are really loving seeing his little personality a little more each day. And seeing glimpses of the stubborn independent 2 year old he is often already trying to be.

He's taken control of his eating situation. Likes: carrots, turkey, milk, mashed potatoes, and his newest love - WAFFLES. Dislikes: lima beans, green beans, peas - and water... Yeah, so remember the sippy cup issues? I started offering him a sippy cup several months ago - with no luck. I put some water in there so he could "practice" and he just never really seemed to care for the cup. I tried 17 different sippy cups - convinced that I just hadn't found the right one. We tried juice at one point - which was a huge disaster. And one day, in desperation, I put milk in the cup. So yeah - turns out he's got no problem with sippy cups. He just doesn't like WATER. He will drink milk out of just about anything I give him. I don't even send bottles to daycare anymore - and let me tell you, THAT was a big step. 

So just a few tidbits to keep you updated on the rascal. And this video that I took tonight while Colt and I had to stay inside so Jeff could mow the yard. He always watches Jeff intently through the glass in the front door - supervising the yard work. Enjoy.

Time

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers

Training Mode

I mailed my passport renewal form today. What a racket. $75 and a mugshot later - I have officially notified the Department of State that #1: I changed my name almost three years ago, and that #2: I would like to travel out of the country, please. Bleh. 

But WORTH IT! I have not mentioned it here so I will now - I am going to Africa. Africa! I am more than a wee bit excited about it and haven't really stopped thinking about it since I booked my plane ticket to Johannesburg last week. I'm probably driving Laura crazy with emails and questions and phone calls and squealing and - you know - general girly excitement. And I have to wait all the way until No-VEM-berrrrrrr. *Whiiiiiiine* I haven't done any international traveling since I returned from my fall semester abroad in 2002, but I'm looking forward to dusting off the ole backpack and practicing my best Yes-I'm-an-American-but-I'm-not-as-stupid-as-we-look-on-TV face. 

So. In preparation for my trip. Which is 118 whole days away. Counting!

Sarah's Prep List*

1. Renew passport. Check!
2. Take advantage of Laura's Peace Corps discount on Chacos - umm, 50. Percent. Yes maam.
3. Watch the following movies about Africa: Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond, The Last King of Scotland.
4. Repair any damage caused by above movies by watching The Lion King.
5. What else? 

*Yes, I know. Another list. I can't help myself.

Happy Birthday HOGS!

A century ago, the Arkansas football team returned from defeating LSU and as the legend goes coach Hugo Bezdek proclaimed his team “played like a wild band of razorback hogs.” The name caught on and the scene was much the same Tuesday evening as the University of Arkansas’ “100 Years of Razorbacks” celebration began in downtown Fayetteville.

The community-wide event was highlighted by the announcement of a year-long celebration commemorating“100 Years of Razorbacks.”Several year-long initiatives were announced by Vice Chancellor and Director of Athletics Jeff Long. University of Arkansas Chancellor Dr. G. David Gearhart, head football coach Bobby Petrino and former head football coach and athletic director Frank Broyles also participated in the celebration’s kickoff event. Student-athletes and coaches from nearly all 19 Arkansas sports were also in attendance.

Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe proclaimed July 21st “The Day of the Arkansas Razorback,” and Fayetteville mayor, Lioneld Jordan, called for July 21 to be “Celebration of the Razorback Day.” 

As part of the University of Arkansas’ Historical Marker Program, a special marker was unveiled recognizing the first century of Razorbacks.

The yearlong celebration will include a special “100 Years of Razorbacks” event in each of Arkansas’ 19 sports throughout the year.

All Razorback fans are encouraged to be a part of the celebration by participating in three interactive contests that will take place during the course of the year. With the help of Razorback fans, the “100 Greatest Razorback Moments” will be selected as will the “Legendary Razorback Fans” and “The Razorback Fan of the Century.”

Fans are encouraged to check ArkansasRazorbacks.com throughout the year for the most up to date information on the “100 Years of Razorbacks.”

Courtesy: Athletic Media Relations
         Release: 07/21/2009

Boys Will Be Boys

   

   

It's in their DNA. Yep. Right there with snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails. No one has to teach them this stuff. No one teaches them to smear food in their hair and run full speed into walls and -- hog the remote. This child knows where the remote is in every room of our house (yes, there are several...) and it is the first thing he looks for when his little feet hit the floor. And it takes a pretty serious distraction to get him to relinquish it. 

And that makes the remote control the newest item on Colt's List of Favoritest Toys EVAR:

(in no particular order)

1. Empty, discarded diaper box. You may remember it.
2. Empty shampoo bottle that he stole from our bathroom (easily one of his favorite rooms in the house). I have since washed out the shampoo bottle and removed the label - he LOVES it.
3. Plastic cups. David and Jennie, we have several from your wedding reception three years ago - they are his favorites - you may have seen them show up in pictures from time to time.
4. Remote control. But only the one that actually controls the TV. He cannot be fooled by imposters old remotes that don't really go to anything we still own.

Snuggles and cuddles, dump trucks and puddles --

Everything I Need to Know I Learned at the Waterpark

1. Places of business are not simply open when I show up. But MY wouldn't life be easier? The Springdale Aquatic Center opens at Noon. Not a moment earlier. We thought we were late getting started today when we showed up at 11:40. We were wrong. Colt almost used up his daily quota of patience while waiting for the gate to open.
2. Realistic expectations are key.  During a trip to Sam's Club last night for ice cream, we browsed around and found one of those swimsuits with a built-in life jacket. We dubbed it The Body Glove. Well, it turns out that The Body Glove is not what it's cracked up to be. I pictured Colt bobbing up and down in the water, without having to be constantly held - more of the autonomy he is demanding these days. Unfortunately, The Body Glove did not deliver. We gave up, Becky and I spent 20 minutes prying a wiggly baby out of a wet suit (imagery!), and went back to the trusty swim trunks. We'll try The Body Glove again another day.
3. Right AFTER naptime is always better than right BEFORE naptime. This is universally applicable. And Colt decided I should learn this lesson the hard way today. We spent exactly 37 minutes at the pool before it was clearly and unequivocally - naptime.    

Bonus Lesson: Nothing exhausts a 13-month-old like time spent swimming in the sun. That's right, friends - 13 months old today!  

    

Fearless.

The Monkey - 12 Months old.

Colt vs. The Slide from Sarah Hood on Vimeo.

*Let the video load entirely before you try to watch it. It will probably work better.

Speaking of Fast Food FAIL

Ok. So something is UP with the Sonic in Johnson. I don't think I mentioned it here, but Monday morning I drove through for my usual Route 44 Diet Coke and was told "sorry, we're out of Route 44 lids". Pardon? Out of lids? O. K. So I downgraded to a Large, shared my misfortune with Twitter, and went on about my day. All the while wondering how logical it might be to order the same number of CUPS as LIDS and how well that might work... I know. Logic ruins everything.

I got to work that day to discover that two of my coworkers had also fallen victim to the Johnson Lid Famine. I love that among the three of us - we had three different solutions to this problem. I just got a large instead. Teresa ordered a Route 44 anyway - sans lid. And Jennifer made Sonic give her a medium AND a large for the price of a Route 44. Clearly I am lacking in problem-solving creativity...

So today. Teresa and I gather drink orders from our cube-neighbors and drive down the street to take advantage of Sonic Happy Hour. We maneuver through the PACKED parking lot, FINALLY get up to the drive-thru speaker to hear - get this - "before you order, just wanna tell you that we're out of ice." To which I reply (before thinking OR remembering my manners), "What the HELL?"

Seriously? ICE? This is freaking SONIC! And it's HAPPY HOUR! And it's, ICE! You MAKE it. Out of WA-TER. Out of ice? Go make some! Oh sorry, we seem to be out of frozen water. Unacceptable.

 

It took me until we pulled up at the next-nearest Sonic to calm down from my rant about how incredibly ridiculous it is to run out of ice. And - clearly - I'm still not over it. Ice, people. Iiiiiiiice! This is kinda like when I worked at Outback and we would periodically run out of Prime Rib. Not ok! I personally think places that can't keep it together enough to offer the basics - should close for the day and try again tomorrow. Chick-fil-A out of chicken? Close the doors. Sonic? Out of ICE? You fail at life.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now

Sometimes I zone out and forget to fast forward through commercials. I'll deliberately record something instead of watching it live - then I forget what year it is, sit through the ads, and before you know it I'm watching a trailer for the latest Urban Haunting of the Undead Orphan movie smack dab in the middle of my sweet little America's Funniest Home Videos. ABC Family, people. F-A-M-I-L-Y. My kid's not old enough to notice, but I'm sure there are plenty of kids out there watching Full House reruns that could do without the sneak peek into Zombieland. Is nothing sacred?

Also on The List of Things I Never Knew I'd Give a Crap About is restaurants with worthless highchairs. We used to evaluate restaurants on things like, you know, food, available parking, whether or not we knew the bartender... Now? We judge you on your highchairs. And may I just say, not enough of you give a hoot about people* with babies.   That's right, I'm talking to you, everyMexicanrestaurantwithin20milesofourhouse. Take a lesson from Chick-fil-A and get some highchairs that are worth a damn. 

*deep breath*

Am I officially a Mom, now that I "care"? Maybe it just makes me old and boring. 

At the risk of going all Jerry Maguire on you, when did people start losing their grip on what matters and what doesn't? [Insert judgmental comment about Jon & Kate's new girlfriend(s) here.] Someone recently told me that everyone should make a list of 5 Things. These 5 Things are your priorities in life.  Your focus. If you try to focus on more than 5 things, you spread yourself too thin and each priority suffers. Less than 5 things and you aren't well rounded. So, 5 things. Sounds easy, huh? Try it. I did. And I realized I have two lists. I'm betting most people do. The 5 Things you truly prioritize. And the 5 Things you WISH you prioritized. Kudos to you if your lists are one and the same. 

I feel like parenthood is a big smack of perspective, right between the eyes. Lord knows my current 5 Things are muuuuch different than my 5 Things of five years ago. Even TWO years ago. And shouldn't they be? It changes you. You start caring about highchairs and scary commercials during family shows (ha!, you start WATCHING family shows). You simultaneously care more about money and less about money. You care about the environment. You learn not to care about the dirty looks you receive from other moms in public when you pick things up off the floor (for the 700th time) and give them back to your child to continue chewing on without first giving the germ infested objects the proper decontamination bath with an army of antibacterial whatever. Not that that's happened to me.

I'm not suggesting that your priorities - your 5 things - aren't what they should be. Pshaw. I am suggesting you identify your priorities. And be aware of them. Be true to them. Hell, be proud of them.

They're who you are.

Sorry for the pontificating. Lots going through my Mommy mind. 

*For the record, we have our own chair now. It travels with us. Thank you, Teresa. For saving me from the depths of highchair misery. You introduced us to The Eatin' Seat. And we love you for it.