musings of Mother Hood

Wednesday February 28, 2007

Apparently, there are too many people who are not.

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? premiered last night on FOX, hosted by Jeff Foxworthy. It is quite possibly the saddest thing I have ever seen. In a culture that includes Jeopardy! and Who wants to be a Millionaire?, I find it depressing that this show has made it to the air.

However, I've been told that I'm being too hard on these people. After asking around my office today, I have discovered that there may be a larger pool of possible contestants for this show than I could have dreamed...

So, I ask you the following questions. These are the questions from the show last night. I am giving each and every one of my readers the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you will know - without assistance of ANY kind - the answers to the questions. Please tell me if you think these are above or below the 5th grade level. Also - if there are any that you wouldn't know right off your head - feel free to admit that - we're all friends here.

1. In what month do we celebrate Columbus Day?

2. True or False? In the wild, polar bears feed on penguins.

3. If the area of a triangle is 16 square inches, and the base is 8 inches - what is the height of the triangle?

4. Who was the first US president to be impeached?

5. Name the ship the pilgrims sailed from Plymouth, England, to the Plymouth Colony in America in 1620.

6. Part of a person's sleep cycle is called the REM cycle. What does REM stand for?

FYI. Questions 1,2,3 and 4 were not answered correctly by a UCLA graduate (US History major). He had to "Drop out of school" and look into the camera and say, "I am not smarter than a 5th grader."

Tuesday February 27, 2007

Question: During an apparent lull in my office today, one of my coworkers sent me this link. Milkgallon.com

This inevitably started a dialogue about whether or not it is possible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour. The guys were sharing puking stories and the girls were all squirming around.

I think I could do it. A gallon of milk over the course of an hour. Not chugging it all at once, just periodically throughout the hour. That doesn't sound that hard.

So everyone laughed when I announced that I think I could do this. They started showing me milk-puking pictures on the website and telling me about so-and-so who thought he could do it, yada yada. But as some of you may know, I have a seriously whacked digestive system.

Things I can (and do) eat - that make me think I could totally embarrass all these boys that are afraid to drink the milk: (just so you know, I didn't share these with the boys at work today)

• I regularly order a large popcorn (with extra butter) at the movie theater and eat it by myself. And I usually get the refill and eat that too.
• I can eat an entire plate of Outback layered cheese fries for dinner when so inclined - complete with bacon, Ranch dressing, extra Ranch dressing and a Wallaby Darn.
• My favorite thing about flying through DFW is the Haagen Dazs in Terminal C. They sell something called a Rocky Road Dazzler (which, not surprisingly, has made the blog before!). It is several heaping scoops of Rocky Road ice cream in a tall cup, layered with hot fudge sauce and Oreo cookie pieces, and topped with whipped cream and chocolate cookie pieces. It is heaven. And again, I don't need help with this.
• It is not out of the question for me to eat two Sonic Frito Burritos in one day - one for lunch and one for supper.
• I have literally never tasted anything I would consider "too rich". The sweeter, richer, chocolatey-er, peanut buttery-er the better. Seriously.

So, I'd like your thoughts. Do you support my attempt at the Gallon of Milk Challenge?

Tuesday February 27, 2007

So I go to Bank of America this morning to deposit a check in Jeff's account. The check is made out to me.

Side Note: The check is an expense reimbursement from Saatchi for about $100 I put on the credit card 2 weeks ago when I had to drive to Bentonville FedEx at 8pm in the pouring rain to send art out for one of my jobs and missed book club. I didn't blog about it - though it was a damn good rant - because it was too traumatic.

So, I go to the Bank of America on Dickson. I have a pre-printed deposit slip from Jeff's account, the check endorsed by both of us, and my Drivers' License - which clearly indicates that we have the same name and identical home addresses. However, the girl in the drive-thru comes over the speaker - after several minutes of what I can only assume was heated deliberation with the "manager" - to tell me that Bank of America has a strict policy against accepting 3rd party checks and that I am not able to deposit it.

Now. I appreciate rules. I have even, on occasion, been accused of do-gooding. But I do not respect rules that have no reasonable support. This rule, I dare say, is stupid. I am not a money launderer. I am depositing a check for $100. From a company (as opposed to an individual). In Northwest Arkansas. This is not a counterfeit $1,000,000 bill we're dealing with...

I politely informed the drive-thru girl that the name on the account belongs to my husband, that we have the same name, have both endorsed the check, and I have provided ID. She gets huffy that I have pointed out the asininity of the "policy" and calls over the "manager" who appears to be no older than 17. He repeats what she has already told me - which is still not an explanation. They send back my check, deposit slip, and ID - and I am on my way.

You may think this is the end of the story.

Determined to outsmart this ridiculous "rule", I drive to the next Bank of America location on my way to work. I pull into the drive-thru and politely ask the nice young man at the window for a deposit slip - as the last girl put a big mean red X through the last one. I fill it out, provide the exact same documentation and information as to the Dickson Street location. In less than 30 seconds, I have a piece of paper stating the transaction has been confirmed.

Was that so hard?

While looking in my files for some pictures I took in-store last fall, I came across some taken at home last November-ish and laughed so hard I thought you might like them, too. This is the day I killed the waffle-iron. I can hardly believe these didn't make the blog before now.

Link to Ads aired during the Academy Awards. MUCH better than Super Bowl Ads this year!

Monday February 26, 2007

The 79th annual Academy Awards aired last night - in case you are living in a cave and are not aware. Those of you who know me know that this is a big night for me. Jeff suffers through it -- this is our 3rd Oscars together -- but I gently remind him that "Awards Show Season" only lasts a short time compared to, say Football Season (which seemingly lasts all year) or Golf Season (which literally lasts all year). He humors me, and last night he even humored my paying such close attention to even the most boring awards and marking up my ballot to keep track of my expertise.

 

My system of keeping track didn't seem so complicated when I started, but I realized by the end of the show that it appears to be in secret code. To translate: The blue Xs are my original picks. The pink highlighted names are the winners in each category. And the big pink Xs are ones I got wrong. Clearly, I was prematurely confident that there would be fewer "wrongs" than "rights", when I started indicating those...

Anyway - I won the pool! 15 out of 24 right! Yah me! I was 0 for 3 with Best Picture, Foreign Film, and Animated Feature -- but I suspect everyone was...

Feel free to leave your congratulations in a comment.

The show itself was good. Ellen did a great job hosting, and the Cirque de Soleil-esque performers were a nice touch. At several points in the show, it kinda felt like "The Al Gore Show", which was unexpected and weird -- but, hell, he's promoting a good cause - and Llaura would be proud. Ellen also announced at the beginning of the show that it was the most "international" Oscars ever - which is interesting. And Diet Coke ran several ads that were amazing.

Anyway - if nothing else - I am reminded that I need to go out and buy the Dreamgirls soundtrack!

Monday February 26, 2007

The circumstances amid which you live determine your reputation; the truth you believe determines your character.

Reputation is what you are supposed to be; character is what you are.

Reputation is the photograph; character is the face.

Reputation comes over one from without; character grows up from within.

Reputation is what you have when you come to a new community; character is what you have when you go away.

Your reputation is learned in an hour; your character does not come to light for a year.

Reputation is made in a moment; character is built in a lifetime.

Reputation grows like a mushroom; character grows like the oak.

A single newspaper report gives you your reputation; a life of toil gives you your character.

Reputation makes you rich or makes you poor; character makes you happy or makes you miserable.

Reputation is what men say about you on your tombstone;

character is what angels say about you before the throne of God.

- William Hersey Davis, "(source unknown)"

  

Saturday February 24, 2007

Personal growth does not make the previous stages of your life wrong; it makes them the previous stages.

Friday February 23, 2007

This is the kind of day I had...

This was outside to greet me after my last meeting of the day at P&G this afternoon. Yes, that's my car. No, there's no driver in that truck.

And as I got closer.

Damn birds.

Longest 4-day week ever.

Friday February 23, 2007

Click Here for game. Warning: Very addictive.

Use the 4 arrow keys to move the car, and space bar as a brake.

Thursday February 22, 2007

I posted a few Mardi Gras pics in the Friends album.

Thursday February 22, 2007

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway 

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway

Anyway. Martina McBride.